Sadomasochistic Inn, Free Verbal Abuse, Beatings Cost Extra
November 6, 2005
by Kit Cassingham
The former innkeeper/owner of this facility had the reputation of being a dragon lady. I myself experienced the wrath of her tongue when I first came to this facility to visit it as a prospective buyer.
I checked into the facility and was given a "no smoking" lecture. I explained that I don't smoke.
"That's good," said the owner, "Because we have zero tolerance for smokers. If you're caught smoking, you will be summarily evicted from the inn."
"But I don't smoke."
The owner ignored me. "And if you're evicted from the inn, don't come whining to me for a refund, because you won't get it."
"BUT I DON'T SMOKE."
"It's written into our insurance policy," explained the owner. "If we allow smokers to smoke, we could lose our coverage."
"BUT I DON'T SMOKE."
After showing me to my room, I was warned to not sleep on the floor. "Is there something wrong with the bed?" I asked.
"No - the bed is perfectly fine," snapped the owner, "Which is why you mustn't sleep on the floor!"
(sigh)
I am recounting this story because we just had some guests check in. The couple was painfully timid. They literally tiptoed through the parlor and their eyes kept darting around the room.
"My goodness," I finally said. "What's wrong?"
"Where is your wife?" whispered the woman.
"My wife?" I blinked in confusion. "I don't have a wife. I've never been married."
"Then where is Jane?" demanded the husband who was referring to the former innkeeper/owner. (Jane is by the way not her real name which I've changed for the purpose of privacy).
"Jane is the former owner," I explained. "I'm the new owner. This facility has been under new ownership since last year."
The couple breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "The last time we were here, the former innkeeper scared us," said the man.
I raised an eyebrow. "And yet you returned?"
"All of the other places in the valley were filled," said the woman. "But after meeting you, we're glad we came."
I have since joked with my housekeeper about the possibility of renaming our inn. Instead of being the "Inn at Elizabethville," we could be the "Sadomasochistic Inn." The housekeeper could wear a tight leather uniform complete with spiked heels and a whip. We could verbally abuse our guests, though we'd charge extra for beatings. (GRIN)
_________________
David
Inn at Elizabethville
Comments
That was a great story....My stomach hurts from laughing. But one thing I'm not clear about... do you smoke?
_________________
Steve Wirt
Wine Country Cabins Bed and Breakfast in the Finger Lakes
and Inngenious Bed and Breakfast Website Promotion
Posted by: Steve Wirt | April 29, 2007 7:15 AM
Steve, Steve, Steve ... you are being a difficult lad.
Let the beatings commence.
Posted by: David | April 29, 2007 7:15 AM
There will be NO SMOKING in this forum! If I see either of you smoking, I'll assume you are on fire and turn the hose on you both.
Posted by: Kit Cassingham | April 29, 2007 7:16 AM
All fun aside, I can relate to how serious a non-smoking policy can be.
A neigboring B&B has one of these great 1830 ish victorians and has really done a nice job remodeling it. When going in to clean after a guest checked out, she discovered the room smelled of smoke, (that's bad enough) and on further inspection she looked out the window and discovered that the guest not only smoked in the room, but ejected his cigarette butts out of the 3rd story window. This window was above the several thousand dollar canvas canopy that covered the back deck where meals are sometimes served. Forutunately it had rained so the canvas was damp and didn't completely catch fire and burn the inn down with it, but the butts did burn holes in the canopy so it now leaks water and has to be replaced.
When guest do stupid things to hide their habit, they put property, other guests and themselves at risk. Not to mention if they burn down the inn, they destroy the person's home and their method of income in one shot.
The fear of this is enough to make you crazy as an innkeeper, so I can see why the former owner was a bit nuts about the topic.
_________________
Steve Wirt
Wine Country Cabins Bed and Breakfast in the Finger Lakes
and Inngenious Bed and Breakfast Website Promotion
Posted by: Steve Wirt | April 29, 2007 7:17 AM
True enough.
The Inn at Elizabethville has maintained its non-smoking policy though I'm not nearly as antagonistic about it as the former owner.
Despite this, what has the housekeeper occassionally found in a guest bedroom on a hot summer day?
The A/C is on full tilt. The ceiling fan is on. The windows are open and there is an empty can of air freshener in the trash.
It isn't so bad if the guests have been smoking cigarettes but cigar smoke gets into everything. I actually had to bill a guest for the cost of drycleaning our bedspread, blanket, and curtains because of his cigar.
The guest wasn't happy but he couldn't do much about it.
Our non-smoking policy is clearly posted. He was informed that we had a non-smoking policy when he checked in. We also had his credit card information on file.
_________________
Inn at Elizabethville
Posted by: David | April 29, 2007 7:18 AM